R.I.P. NASA– You Will Be Missed

I can’t believe this crap!  Okay, yes I can, but it still makes me sick.  Not only is this moron in the Oval Office (who shall remain nameless) trying to make us pay for everything from his ridiculous Cap-and Trade nonsense to healthcare for people in other states but now he is destroying what I consider to be one of the few worthwhile government institutions, one of the only ones (other than the military) which I might willingly pay for with my own money, NASA.

He is nixing the entire Constellation program; the only real hope we have of manned space-flight in the future since we have now decided to retire the existing space shuttle.  No more lunar-landers, no more moon bases for blasting terrorists from space and essentially no more NASA as we currently know it.  Space technology is not something you step away from for a few years to save some quick cash and then come back to when your student loans have been paid off.  If we do this now, we will never lead the way in this field again.

I did take a moment to think about this and say, “Well, with all the recent giant leaps forward in space flight from private companies, wouldn’t it actually make sense to turn our nation’s future extra-terrestrial ambitions over to the private sector,” and that might not be a bad idea but we are not there yet and I think we all know quite well that this means our future in space is going to be in the hands of the Russians and possibly the Chinese.  There’s a bright prospect!  The lives of our astronauts will now be entirely in the hands of a bunch of vodka-swigging commies who cannot even build an airplane that doesn’t burst into flames as the wings fall off upon leaving the runway.

Yes ma'am, it is technically strong enough to fuel our rockets... but what would we drink then?

That’s not the kicker though.  I was already incensed enough when I got to our socialist savior’s next plan for my beloved space agency.  “…the White House will direct NASA to concentrate on Earth-science projects — principally, researching and monitoring climate change.”  AHHHH!  No! No! NO!!!  He is turning NASA into some inane bullshit think-tank so that the government can just create their own ‘data’ to support global warming without needing the UN to do it for them.  I give it two years before Al Gore is running things in Houston and we decide that we cannot even permit ourselves to hitch a ride to the ISS with the Ruskies because their shuttles are powered by highly-combustible fuel rather than rainbows and puppy-dog smiles.  Their going to start making the Tang from ground up algae powder and turn the freeze-dried meals into some gluten-free crap grown by a 3rd-world slave-driver who never passes one iota of his massive boosts in sale price along to the poor saps working the fields.

I thought we were all doomed down here on Earth already.  I thought our decades of free-wheeling, gas-guzzling, fancy-free living had already done so much irreparable damage to our planet that the Himalayan glaciers would be gone in 20 years and we would all be sinking into our respective watery graves like so many polar bears searching for their long-lost ice-floats.  If things are so bad down here, shouldn’t we be focusing our efforts ‘out there’?  Putting solar blockers in place, creating an artificial ozone, finding a new planet to colonize?  We all saw Moonraker, we can do this people!

I can’t take it anymore!  Somebody needs to derail this ‘good-intentions’ train that the world is on and get back to reality.  Wake up, you morons, the concept of ‘best intentions’ has no more place in the world of government than non-data-driven hypotheses has in the scientific community.

‘Lost’ Trumps Obama

It appears that our fearless leader, Barack Hussein Obama Jr., has finally come up against one foe he cannot vanquish.  That’s right, the Leader of the (once and future) Free World, who has enjoyed strong approval ratings and found victory on nearly 97% of all Congressional votes in which he had clearly staked a position since taking office, conceded yesterday that he would not attempt to bump the season premier of the popular ABC series ‘Lost’ from its prime-time slot on Feb 2nd in order to make room his first State of the Union address.

It came as a bit of a surprise to me that the man who has accomplished the unthinkable so many times (e.g. being elected President without any sort of experience/intelligence to support it, strong-arming the passage of numerous bail-outs and stimuli, etc.) could be bested by a whiny doctor and his ragged band of miscreants stranded on an island somewhere in the South Pacific.  Afterall, this is a man who, in a display of post-inaugural muscle-flexing, bumped what had previously been the unstoppable juggernaut of ‘American Idol’ from its time-slot twice in as many months.  Given all of this, I cannot think of a single reason why a show like ‘Lost’ (which seems to make less and less sense as it approaches it’s final curtain) could ever win-out out over a thrilling State of the Union address….

The Great Obama-Buster

Thank God they got that whole 'smoke monster' problem under control

Okay, maybe I can think of one reason.

In spite of my differences with the man, I realize that television remains the predominant medium of communication between the American President and his subjects, err… constituents, so I would like to offer a few words of advice to our dear Der Kommissar as his second year of tyranny, I mean leadership, and his first SotU (whenever it does eventually air) approaches:

1. Do not make the mistake of bumping ‘American Idol’ a third time.  Those fans were pissed last year and they know how to vote early and often (something you should be familiar with given your history in Chicago politics.)  I know that our elected officials are not yet chosen via text message but, given the general malaise of apathy into which our nation is currently sinking, I believe those days may not be too far off.  Make that mistake again and you are likely to be succeeded by Carrie Underwood in the Oval Office.

America in shock as President Underwood steps down, telling the nation she intends to let "Jesus Take the Wheel"

2. In times such as these, when the goings-on of fictional characters are more important to most Americans than the reality in which we live, you should consider carefully before potentially putting yourself before any popular TV show, movie, song, coloring book, etc.  However, you should exercise particular caution in running the State of the Union against anything with word “Lost” in the title.  Many Americans, searching their channel guide for your speech, may just see “Lost” and, thinking they are viewing the program description rather than title, tune into the show by mistake.  This opens up a whole new slew of problems when the public starts to believe that you have replaced our police force with a bunch of dudes in DHARMA Initiative jumpsuits and that the polar bears, displaced by Al Gore’s global warming, have begun to run rampant through American suburbia.

Due to lack of funding, President Obama chooses to shorten his first State of the Union to a single (yet ultimately very fitting) word

3. Finally, and probably most importantly, remember that it is important for any public official to tread lightly when taking over his nation’s prime-time airwaves to discuss his own political agenda.  Despots the world over have taken to seizing broadcast time in order to maintain their stranglehold on the people’s minds but such actions are never looked upon favorably on the world stage.  The quintessential example of this today is Venezuelan despot Hugo Chavez and I am certain that you, dear Mr. Obama, would never, ever want to be lumped together with the likes of him…

I wonder if Hugo kisses on the first date... only one way to find out!

Actually, ya know what.  Never mind.  Just do whatever the hell you feel like (I am sure you will anyway.)

No Peace for the Wicked (of the NBA)

The Phoenix Suns won their season opener last night, knocking off the NBA’s most overt crew of cheaters and floppers, the San Antonio Spurs, by a final score of 103-98. In reference to last night’s game as it compares to the numerous instances of flopping, dirty play, and ref bribery by San An that preceded it, I offer the following condolences to the Spurs:

Tough luck. Your childish little ‘Hack-A-Shaq’ BS did not work this time and your petty excuse for a super-star got posterized by Amare as he was still recovering from a scratched cornea. Wanna see?

Boo-yah! Right down Main Street! How do ya like them apples, Timmy-boy?


Apparently Bono is Not the Only Douchebag Out There

I have not written in a while due to being to busy (which, given your comments to some of my other posts, I assume most of you imagine means I am out drowning kittens) but my Douchebag Alert! Bono’s Back! post has garnered such a continual influx of hateful comments that I feel compelled to reply to a few favorites. So, without further adieu, here are the words written by a few people who clearly missed to underlying message of aforementioned post (and my responses to them in bold):

· Greg // June 3, 2008 at 1:10 pm (edit)

Here’s your answer, from the same website you quote.

“The Global Fund has selected established grants with sound performance to receive money raised through (RED). To date, (RED) partners have generated more than $60 million for the Global Fund. No overhead is taken out of these funds – 100% of this money flows to Global Fund financed AIDS grants in Ghana, Rwanda, Swaziland and Lesotho. In these countries this money is helping to finance comprehensive national HIV/AIDS programs led by the ministries of health, to provide antiretroviral treatment for children and adults, to assist in the prevention of mother-to-child transmission of HIV, as well as essential counseling and testing activities to reduce the overall risk of HIV transmission.”

On one hand you have this, on the other you have what you’ve jerked off onto this site, read by few.

So…who’s the douchebag?

-Bono is still king douchebag but, thankfully, now he has company because you are one as well. I found the same fact that you did about 100% of (Red)’s profits going to Africa… then again, also found numerous other reports (from them and their affiliates) noting various other numbers that are being contributed. Here is a good example of that from the Apple site that sells those fruity (Red) iPods. Note that this site details “up to 50%” of the initiative’s gross profits going to help those poor AIDS sufferers in Africa… that is a markedly different number.

I never claimed to have a wide reader-base on this site; it is simply a place for me to voice my opinion on various issues for anyone who feels like listening to me… for someone who obviously has such a low opinion of my blog, I am surprised you took time to read it.

Alain // June 18, 2008 at 6:53 am (edit)

First sorry for my bad english.
As far as I know, the Red label is only 1 part of Bono’s work. If you want to know what Bono does to fight poverty, go here:http://www.one.org Extreme poverty is not an easy problem to fight, solution has nothing to do with charity. Maybe you should inform yourself before to criticize.

And to answer your question “How much is some?”(profit red label re-distribute) I would say:
maybe just a few….and may ask you: how much money did you give last year to fight poverty????? Probably nothing…The one campagne already saved many thousand children’s life, allowing them also to go to school, and just for this, Bono can be proud.

Moron toi-même!

-Yes, your grasp of the English language certainly does suck… if you are attempting to ask how much I gave last year to fight poverty then the answer is simple: I gave every hour of work at my job to fighting poverty… my own personal poverty, to be precise. I feel no need to give money to bull-shit causes half-way around the globe when I myself am not living a lavish lifestyle. It is very easy for people like Bono, who have spent decades living lives of decadence to such an extreme that you and I could never even comprehend, to ‘give a little back’ with these types of organizations. It builds positive PR for them and further increases both their own profits and their general perception by the public.

· beth // July 2, 2008 at 1:42 am (edit)

i’m not really sure why the author’s name does not appear anywhere on here. anyway, uh…”the dwindling lives of AIDS carriers in the most AIDS invested corner of the world”? are you talking about human beings? hopefully, neither you nor anyone you love gets sick or is dying or otherwise suffering from some disease. what do you propose we do to help you or your loved one if that happens – nothing? or just kill you because you aren’t in perfect health, a lost cause? someone to be disposed of like a piece of trash, the way you talk about african people who have contracted aids? that seems very humane & compassionate! i hope you learn to develop some empathy. maybe you can travel to africa & do some service work, learn to get outside your limited world view & b.s. (belief system).

-Why are you not sure about my name appearing on the post? How many times have you ever seen a blogger put their name on post? What purpose would it serve?

And, yes, I am talking about human beings; human beings who are infected with a terminal disease which makes their lives terrible up until the moment when they inevitably succumb to their illness(es). Several members of my friends and family have had terrible illnesses (I myself was diagnosed with having a brain tumor as a child) but there is a key difference between any of those afflictions and HIV/AIDS… none of our illnesses were terminal 100% of the time and none of them were capable of spreading and infecting other healthy people.

I am not saying that AIDS carriers in Africa deserve to die. I am saying that they are all going to die prematurely (as compared to health people) and that any money being thrown at solving the problem of this virus should be spent in finding a cure rather than propping up the sad lives of the small segment of the world population that is unlucky enough to suffer from it. This fact is only further supported when you consider that local African customs/practices are largely the cause of the continent’s AIDS pandemic. Factors like the prevalence of prostitution, female circumcision, local marrying practices (such as a widow automatically being married off to the brother of her deceased husband, even when he has died of AIDS), and certain false sexual/medical beliefs (like that having sex with a young virgin girl will cure a man of disease) have all been chief causes of the spread of HIV/AIDS in Africa.

We have plenty of medical/economic/social problems of our own in America. How about we take care of those first?

mike // July 25, 2008 at 10:23 am (edit)

Bono has done more for the world than a loser blogger like yourself ever could hope to do. He’s a rock star – he doesn’t have to work on humanitarian efforts, he does it because he wants to make a difference.

What absolute bull-shit! I never claim to have done anything for the world. The idea that people, as inhabitants of this planet, should “do” something to help the world at large is an idea invented to get people like you to thoughtlessly give your time and money to causes which you know nothing about (many of whom then line their own pockets with the cash of uneducated morons like yourself.)

If Bono actually cares so much for the poor diseased masses of the world then he should just give all his money to help them and not bother to advertise what he is doing every time he opens his stupid mouth. The reason he does this is not because he wants to “make a difference” (whatever the hell that means) but because he wants the world to see him as some great savior. If he is actually doing this to further the (Red) cause then that is actually worse as it means he honestly believes that he should be able to tell us how to live our lives.

To prove this point, you need look no further than Bono’s own comments about the (Red) campaign: ““Americans, whether they know it or not, are literally saving the lives of millions of people in the poorest places on the planet.” He is a proponent of attaching this little premium to products which he knows Americans already buy for the express purpose of donating it to causes which they may not even believe in. If this guy could somehow pass a law that everyone has to donate 10% of their pay to helping AIDS infected Africans, he would… since he is not able to do so, he starts up these ridiculous organizations.

Annie // August 3, 2008 at 12:22 am (edit)

For one freakin’ time of your life, use your brain before you talk. You must be just as stupid as you sound with comments like that about the sickness of AIDS in the continent of Africa. And Bono has done more for Africa than you’ll ever will. So who’s the real douche? You, for sure. Do something good for the world before you judge other people who does make a difference.

-You all seem to love this term, “make a difference.” What is that supposed to mean? You don’t even specify what kind of difference you are talking about. Here’s a little list of some people who have ‘made a difference’ in the lives of countless others around them:

  • Hitler
  • Jesus
  • Osama bin Laden
  • President George W Bush
  • Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold
  • Dr. Phil
  • Santa Claus

Making a difference is not always a good thing… sometimes it is, but sometimes it can be terrible. Sometimes it can be both, it just depends on whose perspective is being considered.

And that is exactly my point. You should not hold someone up as a champion of mankind because you think that they ‘made a difference.’ The terrorist attacks of 9/11 certainly made a difference but I bet you will get a markedly different interpretation of its value if you has a family member of someone who died that day as opposed to an Islamic militant in Afghanistan.

If you honestly believe that you can/should/need to help people suffering from AIDS in Africa then you should do so. Send money to whoever or wherever you want if you think that will somehow improve those people’s lives or the world at large. I object to losers like Bono grandstanding and rubbing their alleged philanthropy in my face every five minutes just so people like you will say, “Wow! He’s making a difference. Isn’t he a truly great example of humanity?”

I give money to the collection plate at church on Sunday (when I can afford it) because I want to do so and because I know the programs that money supports are in line with my own beliefs and will serve to help people I see in my community and wish to help. I do so without any fanfare or praise being heralded my way because that is how I like it; that’s what charity is to me. If you honestly believe that the only way for you to help someone less fortunate than yourself is to buy some red iPod or a pair of jeans emblazoned with the (Red) logo all over them so that everyone you meet knows that you “made a difference” then I think that is just sad… and you are a douchebag.

Pork Chop Gets the Axe

On recent trip to Allentown, PA to visit my grand-parents I learned that, beginning this season, the city would become home to a minor league baseball franchise. The Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs (formerly the Lynx of Ottawa) would represent the Philadelphia Phillies as their local affiliate at the Triple-A level. However, the arrival of the new team to the area has been marred by accusations of racism by local Hispanics regarding the name of their mascot.

Based on over 7,000 fan submissions of potential names, the cartoony, metallic pig had originally been given the title of ‘Pork Chop.’ The team quickly conceded to the complaints of “several Hispanics” that the name was offensive and dumped the fan-chosen name prior to the start of the season. My first thought was, “What is offensive to Hispanics (or anyone else) about naming a cartoon pig ‘Pork Chop’?”

Apparently the pig’s chosen moniker has been used by some people as a derogatory term for Puerto Ricans. Aside from the fact that this seems like a stupid racial slur (not stupid in the sense that it demeans a group of people based on race but rather because it is, in reality, a type of food and therefore should offend the group at which it is directed no more than someone calling me a ‘Cracker’ would offend me) but it is a term of which I doubt most people have any awareness.

Guillermo Lopez, vice president of the Latino Leadership Alliance and one of the prime complainants about the name, hammered this very point home with his own statements when he noted, “If my parents were alive, they’d be having fits. It meant much more to them than it does to Puerto Ricans now in the Lehigh Valley.”

Exactly! This may have been an offensive to term to a select group of people over 20 years ago but that is clearly not the case anymore. Moreover, this name was being given to a pig! The pig is the mascot and therefore the physical representation of the team’s spirit and camaraderie. The name was being used in the most positive of connotations (unless you are an actual pig) and this moron has not only stripped the public of their chosen name but also breathed life back into what was a dead racial slur so that an entire new generation of bigots can use it to belittle his own people.

So congratulations, Mr. Lopez, to you and all your fellow ‘minority’ groups out there who continue to fan the flames of prejudice by constantly reminding the public at large of not only the myriad of differences between our races, religions, and genders but also of all the ways with which they can offend you.

Oddly enough, nobody was offended by Pork Chop’s replacement, ‘Wetback the Dolphin’

The most ignorant statement from the whole story did not come from those who were offended, however, but from the man who conceded to them. General Manager Kurt Landes said of his decision to change the mascot’s name, “We were really unaware of any negative connotations with the word ‘pork chop.’ If it offended a few, it’s a few too many.”

No, it isn’t! The things we say and do can always be found to be offensive to a few people on some level, but that is no reason to alter our behavior. There will always be those like Lopez and his ilk who have nothing better to do than complain about things which could be offensive to some tiny sub-group of people (even if those people are from a past generation, as in this case) and if everyone continues to concede on the most innocent of or alleged faux pas then we, as a majority of the people, place ourselves ever more at the mercy of the few yahoos pathetic enough to spend their days searching out new ways to be offended.

If anyone involved in this entire situation is guilty of racism it is Mr. Lopez and his Latino Leadership Alliance of Lehigh Valley who, according to their own mission statement, claim the the LLA “seeks to improve the quality of life for the Latino community and the entire Lehigh Valley.” I would be interested, however, to know what specifically this organization does to help anyone in Lehigh Valley who is not Latino.

According to their president, the LLA “promotes education by providing ‘Si Se Puede’ workshops” in local schools. Sounds to me like these workshops are geared specifically to Hispanics (or at least only to those who speak Spanish.) I don’t speak Spanish and I find it offensive that they would discriminate against me simply based on my ethnicity or the educational opportunities I have had.

The group also gives out dozens of scholarships annually, but they are only open to Latino students. That is the very definition of racial discrimination and, once again, flies in the face of their claims of improving the quality of life for everyone in Lehigh. It makes me sick that groups like the LLA are able to promote the advancement of only those individuals who have the same color skin and speak the same language as they do. This organization and all those who support their bigoted, racist agenda should be ashamed of themselves.

I have gone on for long enough though. It is nearly dinner time and I am getting hungry. I think I will go get a pork chop so I can eat… that Puerto Rican chef sure knows how to cook. (Thanks for teaching me a new word, Guillermo!)

Iran Builds Rocket in 9 Months– Still No Gays

Iran has built their own unique space rocket, from scratch, in a scant nine months. At least, that is what President Ahmadinejad has announced. Then again, we should all remember that this is the same man who, during a speech at Columbia University last year, stated that Iran does not have gay people within its borders and wondered where Americans had gotten the idea that his nation routinely executed those among its citizenry known to be homosexuals.

Nukes? Nope. Gays? No way.  Cheap 1980s-era 3-D glasses? You Bet!I suppose he is correct depending upon how you look at it. Afterall, Germany (circa World War II) was entirely devoid of Jews if you don’t count those hundreds of thousands of ‘undelcared’ individuals  tattooed with serial numbers and forced to work themselves to death in prison camps. But, then again, if you ask Ahmadinejad about those Holocaust victims he will tell you that they don’t exist either.

Is anyone else out there getting more than a little sick of listening to these moronic blow-hards, who have weaseled their way into a position of power in some 3rd world sandbox, continually spit lies and accusations into the face of America and the rest of the Western World?  With people like Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il, Hugo Chavez, and Saddam Hussein constantly testing to see just how far America can be pushed before snapping, however, I find it odd that we do not bomb another nation back to the stone-age on a weekly basis. (One thing we can be sure of, Saddam and his idiot sons have played their last game of brinksmanship with the West.)

These dictators lie, villify, and slander our leaders, our people, and our way of life every chance they get and we remain silent lest we be further bedeviled by the world at large. Chavez nationalized foriegn oil companies (like Citgo,) took the money to prop up his own dictatorship, and then came to America and said our elected leader is “Satan.” Kim Jong Il and Ahmadinejad constantly claim to have no weapons-related nuclear programs and then refuse to allow this fact to be verified. This sounds shockingly similar to the tactics used by Saddam Hussein prior to his fall from power and consequent short-drop into the unknown. As one of Saddam’s top advisor’s recently noted, the practice of denying any weapons programs on the world stage and then refusing to permit verification of this claim was a tactic to make it appear as though Iraq was lying about existing nuclear, biological, and/or chemical weapons operations in order to appear more stalwart in the eyes of Iran and other rival nations in the Middle East.

I know they have got a lot of sand in which to stick their heads over there in the Middle East but these idiots better wise up pretty quickly or start praying for some stronger candidates out of the Democratic party because I am sure that a President McCain is not going to take too much of their saber-rattling before he introduces them to Allah and their precious virgins.

Bruce Bowen Deserves to Die

If anyone can put forth a rational argument against the title of this post then I would be amused to hear it.

Bruce Bowen is human garbage. He is a disgrace to the game of basketball and to humanity at large. This moron capped off his league-leading 500th consecutive game by fouling Chris Paul (and somehow getting away with it, as usual) before hauling back and kicking Paul in the balls as the Hornets’ star lay defenseless on the floor. Even better, Bowen first assumed his usual hands-in-the-air innocent pose while delivering the kick to Paul’s man-region.

The one bright spot that arose out of this is that the NBA finally sat-up and took action against Bowen, suspending him for one game and fining him somewhere in the neighborhood of $37k. Yet still I have many questions for David Stern and his league-lackeys, such as: Why only one game? Why only $37k? And, most of all, what the hell took so long? This guy is dirtier than the floor of a Mexican port-o-potty and anyone who watches NBA basketball (aside from a select group of myopic Spurs’ fans) knows that Bowen has deserved much harsher punishment for many years.

Spurs’ coach Gregg Popovich added insult to injury (literally) by stating that he had watched the tape several times and that “there’s no real contact.” I suppose we cannot really blame Pop for down-playing the kick to the groin though given all the other blatant cheap-shots Bowen has doled out to league superstars over the years that make this most recent infraction pale somewhat in comparison. Moreover, can there really be any doubt at this point that Popovich regularly uses Bowen as his personal thug to injure any opposing player who is hurting the Spurs on the scoreboard that night?

But, as I know some of you out there are too blinded by your love of the best team ever to cheat their way to multiple NBA championships (does the name Tim Donaghy ring any bells,) here are links to some of Bruce Bowen’s greatest hits in a legacy of cheating, dirty-play, and thugism:

Bowen Kicks Ray Allen from the Floor:

Bowen’s Famous ‘Foot-Defense’ Injures Steve Francis (note how the announcer even says that the NBA is trying to crack down on this move– not that they ever did anything though):

Bowen’s Same Foot Move on Crawford (the very next game):

Bowen Knees Steve Nash in the Balls (2007 Play-Offs):

Bowen Tries to Trip Steve Nash (from the same 2007 Play-Off series):

Bowen Kicks Amare Stoudemire in the Achilles Tendon (from the same 2007 Play-Off series):

Bowen Trips Amare Going to the Hole (FROM THE SAME 2007 PLAY-OFFS SERIES!):

Bowen’s Flying Ninja-Kick to Wally Szczerbiak’s face (keep in mind this was not the first time he delivered a flying kick to an opponent’s head):

Popovich Sends Bowen in to Injure Vince Carter:

And, of course, the latest…

Bowen Kick Chris Paul in the ‘Groin’:

So, with the NBA finally taking some action against Bowen’s dirty play, I can find some solace in the fact that Bowen will never come close to achieving the all-time record for consecutive games-played. Thankfully, that title will long remain in the hands of a man who was one of the classiest players in league history, A.C. Green.

That being said, let me just conclude by noting that I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that Bruce Bowen dies a very painful death from a combination of testicular cancer and repeated blows to the head with a spiked club.