Category Archives: Lost

‘Lost’ Trumps Obama

It appears that our fearless leader, Barack Hussein Obama Jr., has finally come up against one foe he cannot vanquish.  That’s right, the Leader of the (once and future) Free World, who has enjoyed strong approval ratings and found victory on nearly 97% of all Congressional votes in which he had clearly staked a position since taking office, conceded yesterday that he would not attempt to bump the season premier of the popular ABC series ‘Lost’ from its prime-time slot on Feb 2nd in order to make room his first State of the Union address.

It came as a bit of a surprise to me that the man who has accomplished the unthinkable so many times (e.g. being elected President without any sort of experience/intelligence to support it, strong-arming the passage of numerous bail-outs and stimuli, etc.) could be bested by a whiny doctor and his ragged band of miscreants stranded on an island somewhere in the South Pacific.  Afterall, this is a man who, in a display of post-inaugural muscle-flexing, bumped what had previously been the unstoppable juggernaut of ‘American Idol’ from its time-slot twice in as many months.  Given all of this, I cannot think of a single reason why a show like ‘Lost’ (which seems to make less and less sense as it approaches it’s final curtain) could ever win-out out over a thrilling State of the Union address….

The Great Obama-Buster

Thank God they got that whole 'smoke monster' problem under control

Okay, maybe I can think of one reason.

In spite of my differences with the man, I realize that television remains the predominant medium of communication between the American President and his subjects, err… constituents, so I would like to offer a few words of advice to our dear Der Kommissar as his second year of tyranny, I mean leadership, and his first SotU (whenever it does eventually air) approaches:

1. Do not make the mistake of bumping ‘American Idol’ a third time.  Those fans were pissed last year and they know how to vote early and often (something you should be familiar with given your history in Chicago politics.)  I know that our elected officials are not yet chosen via text message but, given the general malaise of apathy into which our nation is currently sinking, I believe those days may not be too far off.  Make that mistake again and you are likely to be succeeded by Carrie Underwood in the Oval Office.

America in shock as President Underwood steps down, telling the nation she intends to let "Jesus Take the Wheel"

2. In times such as these, when the goings-on of fictional characters are more important to most Americans than the reality in which we live, you should consider carefully before potentially putting yourself before any popular TV show, movie, song, coloring book, etc.  However, you should exercise particular caution in running the State of the Union against anything with word “Lost” in the title.  Many Americans, searching their channel guide for your speech, may just see “Lost” and, thinking they are viewing the program description rather than title, tune into the show by mistake.  This opens up a whole new slew of problems when the public starts to believe that you have replaced our police force with a bunch of dudes in DHARMA Initiative jumpsuits and that the polar bears, displaced by Al Gore’s global warming, have begun to run rampant through American suburbia.

Due to lack of funding, President Obama chooses to shorten his first State of the Union to a single (yet ultimately very fitting) word

3. Finally, and probably most importantly, remember that it is important for any public official to tread lightly when taking over his nation’s prime-time airwaves to discuss his own political agenda.  Despots the world over have taken to seizing broadcast time in order to maintain their stranglehold on the people’s minds but such actions are never looked upon favorably on the world stage.  The quintessential example of this today is Venezuelan despot Hugo Chavez and I am certain that you, dear Mr. Obama, would never, ever want to be lumped together with the likes of him…

I wonder if Hugo kisses on the first date... only one way to find out!

Actually, ya know what.  Never mind.  Just do whatever the hell you feel like (I am sure you will anyway.)