Category Archives: Obama

R.I.P. NASA– You Will Be Missed

I can’t believe this crap!  Okay, yes I can, but it still makes me sick.  Not only is this moron in the Oval Office (who shall remain nameless) trying to make us pay for everything from his ridiculous Cap-and Trade nonsense to healthcare for people in other states but now he is destroying what I consider to be one of the few worthwhile government institutions, one of the only ones (other than the military) which I might willingly pay for with my own money, NASA.

He is nixing the entire Constellation program; the only real hope we have of manned space-flight in the future since we have now decided to retire the existing space shuttle.  No more lunar-landers, no more moon bases for blasting terrorists from space and essentially no more NASA as we currently know it.  Space technology is not something you step away from for a few years to save some quick cash and then come back to when your student loans have been paid off.  If we do this now, we will never lead the way in this field again.

I did take a moment to think about this and say, “Well, with all the recent giant leaps forward in space flight from private companies, wouldn’t it actually make sense to turn our nation’s future extra-terrestrial ambitions over to the private sector,” and that might not be a bad idea but we are not there yet and I think we all know quite well that this means our future in space is going to be in the hands of the Russians and possibly the Chinese.  There’s a bright prospect!  The lives of our astronauts will now be entirely in the hands of a bunch of vodka-swigging commies who cannot even build an airplane that doesn’t burst into flames as the wings fall off upon leaving the runway.

Yes ma'am, it is technically strong enough to fuel our rockets... but what would we drink then?

That’s not the kicker though.  I was already incensed enough when I got to our socialist savior’s next plan for my beloved space agency.  “…the White House will direct NASA to concentrate on Earth-science projects — principally, researching and monitoring climate change.”  AHHHH!  No! No! NO!!!  He is turning NASA into some inane bullshit think-tank so that the government can just create their own ‘data’ to support global warming without needing the UN to do it for them.  I give it two years before Al Gore is running things in Houston and we decide that we cannot even permit ourselves to hitch a ride to the ISS with the Ruskies because their shuttles are powered by highly-combustible fuel rather than rainbows and puppy-dog smiles.  Their going to start making the Tang from ground up algae powder and turn the freeze-dried meals into some gluten-free crap grown by a 3rd-world slave-driver who never passes one iota of his massive boosts in sale price along to the poor saps working the fields.

I thought we were all doomed down here on Earth already.  I thought our decades of free-wheeling, gas-guzzling, fancy-free living had already done so much irreparable damage to our planet that the Himalayan glaciers would be gone in 20 years and we would all be sinking into our respective watery graves like so many polar bears searching for their long-lost ice-floats.  If things are so bad down here, shouldn’t we be focusing our efforts ‘out there’?  Putting solar blockers in place, creating an artificial ozone, finding a new planet to colonize?  We all saw Moonraker, we can do this people!

I can’t take it anymore!  Somebody needs to derail this ‘good-intentions’ train that the world is on and get back to reality.  Wake up, you morons, the concept of ‘best intentions’ has no more place in the world of government than non-data-driven hypotheses has in the scientific community.

‘Lost’ Trumps Obama

It appears that our fearless leader, Barack Hussein Obama Jr., has finally come up against one foe he cannot vanquish.  That’s right, the Leader of the (once and future) Free World, who has enjoyed strong approval ratings and found victory on nearly 97% of all Congressional votes in which he had clearly staked a position since taking office, conceded yesterday that he would not attempt to bump the season premier of the popular ABC series ‘Lost’ from its prime-time slot on Feb 2nd in order to make room his first State of the Union address.

It came as a bit of a surprise to me that the man who has accomplished the unthinkable so many times (e.g. being elected President without any sort of experience/intelligence to support it, strong-arming the passage of numerous bail-outs and stimuli, etc.) could be bested by a whiny doctor and his ragged band of miscreants stranded on an island somewhere in the South Pacific.  Afterall, this is a man who, in a display of post-inaugural muscle-flexing, bumped what had previously been the unstoppable juggernaut of ‘American Idol’ from its time-slot twice in as many months.  Given all of this, I cannot think of a single reason why a show like ‘Lost’ (which seems to make less and less sense as it approaches it’s final curtain) could ever win-out out over a thrilling State of the Union address….

The Great Obama-Buster

Thank God they got that whole 'smoke monster' problem under control

Okay, maybe I can think of one reason.

In spite of my differences with the man, I realize that television remains the predominant medium of communication between the American President and his subjects, err… constituents, so I would like to offer a few words of advice to our dear Der Kommissar as his second year of tyranny, I mean leadership, and his first SotU (whenever it does eventually air) approaches:

1. Do not make the mistake of bumping ‘American Idol’ a third time.  Those fans were pissed last year and they know how to vote early and often (something you should be familiar with given your history in Chicago politics.)  I know that our elected officials are not yet chosen via text message but, given the general malaise of apathy into which our nation is currently sinking, I believe those days may not be too far off.  Make that mistake again and you are likely to be succeeded by Carrie Underwood in the Oval Office.

America in shock as President Underwood steps down, telling the nation she intends to let "Jesus Take the Wheel"

2. In times such as these, when the goings-on of fictional characters are more important to most Americans than the reality in which we live, you should consider carefully before potentially putting yourself before any popular TV show, movie, song, coloring book, etc.  However, you should exercise particular caution in running the State of the Union against anything with word “Lost” in the title.  Many Americans, searching their channel guide for your speech, may just see “Lost” and, thinking they are viewing the program description rather than title, tune into the show by mistake.  This opens up a whole new slew of problems when the public starts to believe that you have replaced our police force with a bunch of dudes in DHARMA Initiative jumpsuits and that the polar bears, displaced by Al Gore’s global warming, have begun to run rampant through American suburbia.

Due to lack of funding, President Obama chooses to shorten his first State of the Union to a single (yet ultimately very fitting) word

3. Finally, and probably most importantly, remember that it is important for any public official to tread lightly when taking over his nation’s prime-time airwaves to discuss his own political agenda.  Despots the world over have taken to seizing broadcast time in order to maintain their stranglehold on the people’s minds but such actions are never looked upon favorably on the world stage.  The quintessential example of this today is Venezuelan despot Hugo Chavez and I am certain that you, dear Mr. Obama, would never, ever want to be lumped together with the likes of him…

I wonder if Hugo kisses on the first date... only one way to find out!

Actually, ya know what.  Never mind.  Just do whatever the hell you feel like (I am sure you will anyway.)