Category Archives: International

Apparently Bono is Not the Only Douchebag Out There

I have not written in a while due to being to busy (which, given your comments to some of my other posts, I assume most of you imagine means I am out drowning kittens) but my Douchebag Alert! Bono’s Back! post has garnered such a continual influx of hateful comments that I feel compelled to reply to a few favorites. So, without further adieu, here are the words written by a few people who clearly missed to underlying message of aforementioned post (and my responses to them in bold):

· Greg // June 3, 2008 at 1:10 pm (edit)

Here’s your answer, from the same website you quote.

“The Global Fund has selected established grants with sound performance to receive money raised through (RED). To date, (RED) partners have generated more than $60 million for the Global Fund. No overhead is taken out of these funds – 100% of this money flows to Global Fund financed AIDS grants in Ghana, Rwanda, Swaziland and Lesotho. In these countries this money is helping to finance comprehensive national HIV/AIDS programs led by the ministries of health, to provide antiretroviral treatment for children and adults, to assist in the prevention of mother-to-child transmission of HIV, as well as essential counseling and testing activities to reduce the overall risk of HIV transmission.”

On one hand you have this, on the other you have what you’ve jerked off onto this site, read by few.

So…who’s the douchebag?

-Bono is still king douchebag but, thankfully, now he has company because you are one as well. I found the same fact that you did about 100% of (Red)’s profits going to Africa… then again, also found numerous other reports (from them and their affiliates) noting various other numbers that are being contributed. Here is a good example of that from the Apple site that sells those fruity (Red) iPods. Note that this site details “up to 50%” of the initiative’s gross profits going to help those poor AIDS sufferers in Africa… that is a markedly different number.

I never claimed to have a wide reader-base on this site; it is simply a place for me to voice my opinion on various issues for anyone who feels like listening to me… for someone who obviously has such a low opinion of my blog, I am surprised you took time to read it.

Alain // June 18, 2008 at 6:53 am (edit)

First sorry for my bad english.
As far as I know, the Red label is only 1 part of Bono’s work. If you want to know what Bono does to fight poverty, go here:http://www.one.org Extreme poverty is not an easy problem to fight, solution has nothing to do with charity. Maybe you should inform yourself before to criticize.

And to answer your question “How much is some?”(profit red label re-distribute) I would say:
maybe just a few….and may ask you: how much money did you give last year to fight poverty????? Probably nothing…The one campagne already saved many thousand children’s life, allowing them also to go to school, and just for this, Bono can be proud.

Moron toi-même!

-Yes, your grasp of the English language certainly does suck… if you are attempting to ask how much I gave last year to fight poverty then the answer is simple: I gave every hour of work at my job to fighting poverty… my own personal poverty, to be precise. I feel no need to give money to bull-shit causes half-way around the globe when I myself am not living a lavish lifestyle. It is very easy for people like Bono, who have spent decades living lives of decadence to such an extreme that you and I could never even comprehend, to ‘give a little back’ with these types of organizations. It builds positive PR for them and further increases both their own profits and their general perception by the public.

· beth // July 2, 2008 at 1:42 am (edit)

i’m not really sure why the author’s name does not appear anywhere on here. anyway, uh…”the dwindling lives of AIDS carriers in the most AIDS invested corner of the world”? are you talking about human beings? hopefully, neither you nor anyone you love gets sick or is dying or otherwise suffering from some disease. what do you propose we do to help you or your loved one if that happens – nothing? or just kill you because you aren’t in perfect health, a lost cause? someone to be disposed of like a piece of trash, the way you talk about african people who have contracted aids? that seems very humane & compassionate! i hope you learn to develop some empathy. maybe you can travel to africa & do some service work, learn to get outside your limited world view & b.s. (belief system).

-Why are you not sure about my name appearing on the post? How many times have you ever seen a blogger put their name on post? What purpose would it serve?

And, yes, I am talking about human beings; human beings who are infected with a terminal disease which makes their lives terrible up until the moment when they inevitably succumb to their illness(es). Several members of my friends and family have had terrible illnesses (I myself was diagnosed with having a brain tumor as a child) but there is a key difference between any of those afflictions and HIV/AIDS… none of our illnesses were terminal 100% of the time and none of them were capable of spreading and infecting other healthy people.

I am not saying that AIDS carriers in Africa deserve to die. I am saying that they are all going to die prematurely (as compared to health people) and that any money being thrown at solving the problem of this virus should be spent in finding a cure rather than propping up the sad lives of the small segment of the world population that is unlucky enough to suffer from it. This fact is only further supported when you consider that local African customs/practices are largely the cause of the continent’s AIDS pandemic. Factors like the prevalence of prostitution, female circumcision, local marrying practices (such as a widow automatically being married off to the brother of her deceased husband, even when he has died of AIDS), and certain false sexual/medical beliefs (like that having sex with a young virgin girl will cure a man of disease) have all been chief causes of the spread of HIV/AIDS in Africa.

We have plenty of medical/economic/social problems of our own in America. How about we take care of those first?

mike // July 25, 2008 at 10:23 am (edit)

Bono has done more for the world than a loser blogger like yourself ever could hope to do. He’s a rock star – he doesn’t have to work on humanitarian efforts, he does it because he wants to make a difference.

What absolute bull-shit! I never claim to have done anything for the world. The idea that people, as inhabitants of this planet, should “do” something to help the world at large is an idea invented to get people like you to thoughtlessly give your time and money to causes which you know nothing about (many of whom then line their own pockets with the cash of uneducated morons like yourself.)

If Bono actually cares so much for the poor diseased masses of the world then he should just give all his money to help them and not bother to advertise what he is doing every time he opens his stupid mouth. The reason he does this is not because he wants to “make a difference” (whatever the hell that means) but because he wants the world to see him as some great savior. If he is actually doing this to further the (Red) cause then that is actually worse as it means he honestly believes that he should be able to tell us how to live our lives.

To prove this point, you need look no further than Bono’s own comments about the (Red) campaign: ““Americans, whether they know it or not, are literally saving the lives of millions of people in the poorest places on the planet.” He is a proponent of attaching this little premium to products which he knows Americans already buy for the express purpose of donating it to causes which they may not even believe in. If this guy could somehow pass a law that everyone has to donate 10% of their pay to helping AIDS infected Africans, he would… since he is not able to do so, he starts up these ridiculous organizations.

Annie // August 3, 2008 at 12:22 am (edit)

For one freakin’ time of your life, use your brain before you talk. You must be just as stupid as you sound with comments like that about the sickness of AIDS in the continent of Africa. And Bono has done more for Africa than you’ll ever will. So who’s the real douche? You, for sure. Do something good for the world before you judge other people who does make a difference.

-You all seem to love this term, “make a difference.” What is that supposed to mean? You don’t even specify what kind of difference you are talking about. Here’s a little list of some people who have ‘made a difference’ in the lives of countless others around them:

  • Hitler
  • Jesus
  • Osama bin Laden
  • President George W Bush
  • Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold
  • Dr. Phil
  • Santa Claus

Making a difference is not always a good thing… sometimes it is, but sometimes it can be terrible. Sometimes it can be both, it just depends on whose perspective is being considered.

And that is exactly my point. You should not hold someone up as a champion of mankind because you think that they ‘made a difference.’ The terrorist attacks of 9/11 certainly made a difference but I bet you will get a markedly different interpretation of its value if you has a family member of someone who died that day as opposed to an Islamic militant in Afghanistan.

If you honestly believe that you can/should/need to help people suffering from AIDS in Africa then you should do so. Send money to whoever or wherever you want if you think that will somehow improve those people’s lives or the world at large. I object to losers like Bono grandstanding and rubbing their alleged philanthropy in my face every five minutes just so people like you will say, “Wow! He’s making a difference. Isn’t he a truly great example of humanity?”

I give money to the collection plate at church on Sunday (when I can afford it) because I want to do so and because I know the programs that money supports are in line with my own beliefs and will serve to help people I see in my community and wish to help. I do so without any fanfare or praise being heralded my way because that is how I like it; that’s what charity is to me. If you honestly believe that the only way for you to help someone less fortunate than yourself is to buy some red iPod or a pair of jeans emblazoned with the (Red) logo all over them so that everyone you meet knows that you “made a difference” then I think that is just sad… and you are a douchebag.

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Iran Builds Rocket in 9 Months– Still No Gays

Iran has built their own unique space rocket, from scratch, in a scant nine months. At least, that is what President Ahmadinejad has announced. Then again, we should all remember that this is the same man who, during a speech at Columbia University last year, stated that Iran does not have gay people within its borders and wondered where Americans had gotten the idea that his nation routinely executed those among its citizenry known to be homosexuals.

Nukes? Nope. Gays? No way.  Cheap 1980s-era 3-D glasses? You Bet!I suppose he is correct depending upon how you look at it. Afterall, Germany (circa World War II) was entirely devoid of Jews if you don’t count those hundreds of thousands of ‘undelcared’ individuals  tattooed with serial numbers and forced to work themselves to death in prison camps. But, then again, if you ask Ahmadinejad about those Holocaust victims he will tell you that they don’t exist either.

Is anyone else out there getting more than a little sick of listening to these moronic blow-hards, who have weaseled their way into a position of power in some 3rd world sandbox, continually spit lies and accusations into the face of America and the rest of the Western World?  With people like Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il, Hugo Chavez, and Saddam Hussein constantly testing to see just how far America can be pushed before snapping, however, I find it odd that we do not bomb another nation back to the stone-age on a weekly basis. (One thing we can be sure of, Saddam and his idiot sons have played their last game of brinksmanship with the West.)

These dictators lie, villify, and slander our leaders, our people, and our way of life every chance they get and we remain silent lest we be further bedeviled by the world at large. Chavez nationalized foriegn oil companies (like Citgo,) took the money to prop up his own dictatorship, and then came to America and said our elected leader is “Satan.” Kim Jong Il and Ahmadinejad constantly claim to have no weapons-related nuclear programs and then refuse to allow this fact to be verified. This sounds shockingly similar to the tactics used by Saddam Hussein prior to his fall from power and consequent short-drop into the unknown. As one of Saddam’s top advisor’s recently noted, the practice of denying any weapons programs on the world stage and then refusing to permit verification of this claim was a tactic to make it appear as though Iraq was lying about existing nuclear, biological, and/or chemical weapons operations in order to appear more stalwart in the eyes of Iran and other rival nations in the Middle East.

I know they have got a lot of sand in which to stick their heads over there in the Middle East but these idiots better wise up pretty quickly or start praying for some stronger candidates out of the Democratic party because I am sure that a President McCain is not going to take too much of their saber-rattling before he introduces them to Allah and their precious virgins.

Not to Belittle the Dead But…

…that is exactly what I am about to do.

Some graduate student in England (not that we should hold that against him) recently killed himself playing a drinking game.  Get this, he and his “mates” were mimicking a game which they first saw being played in the movie ‘American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile.’  How much of a loser do you have to be to attend graduate school and yet also not only watch an idiotic movie like that but attempt to recreate it as well?

I clicked on the article about this guy because the link said something about a student dying from an ‘American Pie’ drinking game.  I thought to myself, I don’t even recall the characters in ‘American Pie’ playing any drinking games but apparently I had forgotten that I saw the original movie and, unfortunately, the sequel as well.  I did not, however, see any of the endless parade of other spin-offs that followed.  I thought about going to see ‘American Wedding’ briefly but then realized that there was no need to go spend $15 at the movie theater when I could just beat my head against the wall at home and achieve the same sensation as I would watching that film.  They should make warning labels for movies that bad.

warninglabel2.gif

Why Eugene Levy has shackled his career to so many of these movies is beyond me (… oh wait, money.  I forgot.)  Either way, its a good thing that, as a Jew, you do not believe in Hell, Mr. Levy, because if you were a Catholic I am certain the Pope would have damned you to there long ago for your role in the perpetuation of the ‘American Pie’ series of films.

The father of the young man who died was quoted as saying, “Every shot that David took was like another bullet.”  It was?  That seems like a pretty poor comparison.  I mean, was this kid a complete light-weight or something?  If I take six shots of tequila I will be pretty intoxicated but still able to function; if someone were to unload a .38 revolver into my gut I think I would probably be in markedly worse shape.

Slovenian Chicken Risotto–It’s made of PEOPLE!

Be careful when dining in the hospital cafeteria in Izola, Slovenia… or perhaps you should be more careful as a patient at this hospital since you might just end up on the cafeteria anyway.

A doctor recently sent a mysterious piece of meat, which he found in the cafeteria’s chicken risotto, away for testing after adamantly decrying it not to be chicken.  Indeed the doc was correct and the secret ingredient, in this case, turned out to be a human tongue.  The hospital brass believes it is possible that a doctor could have, “unwittingly dropped the tongue in the food after treating a patient.”

375dentist.jpg 

No, this doesn’t look good at all.  A clear case of Beef Wellington if I have ever seen one.

First of all, the term ‘treating the patient’ is a bit euphemistic here, don’t you think?  It was a human tongue!  He was not treating a patient; he was cutting someone’s tongue off!  All that aside, why would he take it with him?  I know Slovenia probably is not the archetype of medical science or hygiene but why would a doctor pocket a tongue and go to lunch with it.  The only possible reason that I can see for it, would be to do exactly what he did, and put it into the chicken risotto.

The most shocking line of the whole story for me, however, was not the bit above about how the management thinks a doctor could have unknowingly dropped a patient’s tongue into the daily special, but rather the spin from the hospital’s spokesman, “I can say clearly that we never used patients’ parts in any of our dishes.”

…but one of your own doctors just proved that you had human tongue in the chicken risotto.  So, unless this guy is implying that he knows the source of the human tongue and that it came from someone who was not a patient, I think I would say with crystal clarity that they have used patients’ parts in their dishes (at least once.)  And hey, when it happens once, can we ever really be sure it won’t happen again?  I am not sure how appetizing the idea of chicken risotto from the cafeteria in a Slovenian hospital sounds to begin with, and that before you learn that there might be a human tongue in it.

I’ll stick with Chinese food… at least then I can be sure what kind of meat I am eating: cat (or kitten if it’s the really good stuff.)

kitten-gun.jpg 

Mmm… Free-range Mu-Shu Pork!

Douchebag Alert! Bono’s back!

So apparently Bono and his band of rich idiots from the (Red) campaign met with the Japanese Prime Minister, Yasuo Fukuda, to present him with an iPod in hopes of convincing him to increase support from his nation in the effort to “reduce poverty in Africa.”

Why does anyone care what some moron like Bono says or does? He is talking on behalf of (Red) about poverty in Africa, but his foundation does not do anything related to reducing poverty in Africa. According to The (Red) Manifesto, the group will “give some of its profits to buy and distribute anti-retroviral medicine to our brothers and sisters dying of AIDS in Africa.” If people want to donate to prop-up impoverished nations in Africa, that is one thing but providing medicine to prop-up the dwindling lives of AIDS carriers in the most AIDS infested corner of the world seems inane.

AIDS remains incurable and these people are not even looking for a cure. Rather, they are extending the lives of countless people suffering the terrible pain of that disease and potentially infecting others with it. If you want to help Africans who actually have some chance of living a full life, why not do something about the lack of potable water or essential irrigation systems? Better yet why not do something about the warlords who terrorize local populations across Africa and steal the essential medicine and food donated by groups like (Red)?

bono.jpg
“So, you say that you BOTH just gave me AIDS?”

It is terrible that these people must suffer through poverty, violence, and AIDS but why not try to solve Africa’s problems which are are at least potentially solvable instead of throwing it away by trying to mitigate the suffering of one group of people?

I do not know what percentage of the money from purchases/donations to (Red) actually winds up being applied to their stated mission but I am often suspect of such groups, particularly those started by celebrities, that pledge to give “some” of their profits to those in need. How much is some? Does anyone out there have the figures of how much of (Red)’s gross is used to help Africa? I would be keen to learn.

At least we’ve got that iridescent cat problem taken care of…

How do we know when the biological science community is possibly not focusing its attention in the right areas? I would say that their recent creation of several glowing cats would be a good indicator.

glowing-cat.jpg

South Korean ‘researchers’ (I’m not entirely sure what they were researching) have modified the genes of a cat who went on to deliver a litter of kittens; and the kittens glow under ultraviolet light. The photo above shows two cats under a UV light; the normal cat appears greenish due to the color of the light, the genetically altered feline (or, if you prefer, ‘freak cat’) gives off an iridescent red glow.

Aside from the implied scientific merit of this achievement, I was wondering marketability such a puss might possess. All it seems to do is glow under a specific wave of light. The only products I can think of like that are kept in the back of Spencer Gifts. They have posters and candles and paper-weights that all glow under black-light. Come to think of it, they sell glowing paint there too. I could just use that on the cat and forget screwing around with genetic code altogether.

blacklight_paint_set.jpg + cat.jpg = PARTY TIME!

So, there may be more than one way to not only skin a cat but to make it black-light sensitive as well.

Goat Saves Plane, Dies in the Name of Appeasement

In what some would consider to be an unusual step, the Nepalese state airline recently sacrificed two goats in an effort to restore a decrepit commuter aircraft. The goats met their divine fate in an attempt to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, and thus restore an aging 757 to a safer operating status.

I am not one to call into question the effectiveness of animal sacrifice (and certainly not one to doubt the wrath of a sky god) but a standard pre-flight check and general aircraft maintenance regimen would certainly make me fly a little easier than the spilling of goat blood.

Nor am I usually one to applaud the efforts of America’s government-run regulatory agencies but I believe that the FAA does a pretty bang-up job when it comes to airline safety. Although, to be fair, I have never heard what kind of numbers the FAA puts up in the hoofed-animals sacrifice department so I suppose we cannot judge too hastily.

Afterall, I found a picture if Akash Bhairab:

akash-bhairab.jpg
Someone find a goat and a knife–quick!