Category Archives: Censorship

‘Lost’ Trumps Obama

It appears that our fearless leader, Barack Hussein Obama Jr., has finally come up against one foe he cannot vanquish.  That’s right, the Leader of the (once and future) Free World, who has enjoyed strong approval ratings and found victory on nearly 97% of all Congressional votes in which he had clearly staked a position since taking office, conceded yesterday that he would not attempt to bump the season premier of the popular ABC series ‘Lost’ from its prime-time slot on Feb 2nd in order to make room his first State of the Union address.

It came as a bit of a surprise to me that the man who has accomplished the unthinkable so many times (e.g. being elected President without any sort of experience/intelligence to support it, strong-arming the passage of numerous bail-outs and stimuli, etc.) could be bested by a whiny doctor and his ragged band of miscreants stranded on an island somewhere in the South Pacific.  Afterall, this is a man who, in a display of post-inaugural muscle-flexing, bumped what had previously been the unstoppable juggernaut of ‘American Idol’ from its time-slot twice in as many months.  Given all of this, I cannot think of a single reason why a show like ‘Lost’ (which seems to make less and less sense as it approaches it’s final curtain) could ever win-out out over a thrilling State of the Union address….

The Great Obama-Buster

Thank God they got that whole 'smoke monster' problem under control

Okay, maybe I can think of one reason.

In spite of my differences with the man, I realize that television remains the predominant medium of communication between the American President and his subjects, err… constituents, so I would like to offer a few words of advice to our dear Der Kommissar as his second year of tyranny, I mean leadership, and his first SotU (whenever it does eventually air) approaches:

1. Do not make the mistake of bumping ‘American Idol’ a third time.  Those fans were pissed last year and they know how to vote early and often (something you should be familiar with given your history in Chicago politics.)  I know that our elected officials are not yet chosen via text message but, given the general malaise of apathy into which our nation is currently sinking, I believe those days may not be too far off.  Make that mistake again and you are likely to be succeeded by Carrie Underwood in the Oval Office.

America in shock as President Underwood steps down, telling the nation she intends to let "Jesus Take the Wheel"

2. In times such as these, when the goings-on of fictional characters are more important to most Americans than the reality in which we live, you should consider carefully before potentially putting yourself before any popular TV show, movie, song, coloring book, etc.  However, you should exercise particular caution in running the State of the Union against anything with word “Lost” in the title.  Many Americans, searching their channel guide for your speech, may just see “Lost” and, thinking they are viewing the program description rather than title, tune into the show by mistake.  This opens up a whole new slew of problems when the public starts to believe that you have replaced our police force with a bunch of dudes in DHARMA Initiative jumpsuits and that the polar bears, displaced by Al Gore’s global warming, have begun to run rampant through American suburbia.

Due to lack of funding, President Obama chooses to shorten his first State of the Union to a single (yet ultimately very fitting) word

3. Finally, and probably most importantly, remember that it is important for any public official to tread lightly when taking over his nation’s prime-time airwaves to discuss his own political agenda.  Despots the world over have taken to seizing broadcast time in order to maintain their stranglehold on the people’s minds but such actions are never looked upon favorably on the world stage.  The quintessential example of this today is Venezuelan despot Hugo Chavez and I am certain that you, dear Mr. Obama, would never, ever want to be lumped together with the likes of him…

I wonder if Hugo kisses on the first date... only one way to find out!

Actually, ya know what.  Never mind.  Just do whatever the hell you feel like (I am sure you will anyway.)

Not to Belittle the Dead But…

…that is exactly what I am about to do.

Some graduate student in England (not that we should hold that against him) recently killed himself playing a drinking game.  Get this, he and his “mates” were mimicking a game which they first saw being played in the movie ‘American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile.’  How much of a loser do you have to be to attend graduate school and yet also not only watch an idiotic movie like that but attempt to recreate it as well?

I clicked on the article about this guy because the link said something about a student dying from an ‘American Pie’ drinking game.  I thought to myself, I don’t even recall the characters in ‘American Pie’ playing any drinking games but apparently I had forgotten that I saw the original movie and, unfortunately, the sequel as well.  I did not, however, see any of the endless parade of other spin-offs that followed.  I thought about going to see ‘American Wedding’ briefly but then realized that there was no need to go spend $15 at the movie theater when I could just beat my head against the wall at home and achieve the same sensation as I would watching that film.  They should make warning labels for movies that bad.

warninglabel2.gif

Why Eugene Levy has shackled his career to so many of these movies is beyond me (… oh wait, money.  I forgot.)  Either way, its a good thing that, as a Jew, you do not believe in Hell, Mr. Levy, because if you were a Catholic I am certain the Pope would have damned you to there long ago for your role in the perpetuation of the ‘American Pie’ series of films.

The father of the young man who died was quoted as saying, “Every shot that David took was like another bullet.”  It was?  That seems like a pretty poor comparison.  I mean, was this kid a complete light-weight or something?  If I take six shots of tequila I will be pretty intoxicated but still able to function; if someone were to unload a .38 revolver into my gut I think I would probably be in markedly worse shape.

Malaysia is Bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Before I begin, this post is about Gwen Stefani.

Do I have your interest, men of the Western world?

More specifically, it is about Gwen Stefani not wearing revealing clothing.

Good. Now that I have successfully dissolved that interest I just built, let’s begin.

Gwen Stefani has agreed not to be overly revealing or sexual in her upcoming performance in Malaysia. My first questions was; why? For someone who was once part of a successful and talented band like No Doubt, Miss Stefani’s more recent exploits have her singing over far more generic, pre-recorded beats and fall far short of what I would call music. Indeed with Gwen’s career becoming ever more reliant upon her image and sex appeal the only logical question seems to be ‘why?’

In this instance, Gwen and her record exec buddies are submitting to recent protests by Muslims students in Malaysia against what they are anticipating will be her violation of local ethics standard. These standards, which involve what is called ‘unnecessary baring of skin,’ only apply to foreign artists. Evidently racial profiling is alive and well in Malaysia; maybe I should move there.

A press release from Stefani’s camp noted that the singer “has confirmed that her concert will not feature any revealing costumes. She will abide by the Malaysian authorities’ guidelines to ensure that her show will not be offensive to local sensitivities.” According to the Official Guide to Performing in Malaysia (I am amazed such a thing even exists) a female artist performing in that nation must be completely covered from “the top of her chest to her knees.” This agreement to submit to local standards, however, runs a little deeper than just showing one’s skin.

gwen.jpg
If you count the fishnets I think all the offending skin is technically covered here.

The same accord also forbids women on stage from “jumping, shouting or throwing of objects on-stage or at the audience.”

This obviously eliminates any last hope we had of Gallagher’s long-lost sister starting up a watermelon-smashing revival show in Kuala Lumpur. Guess we dodged a bullet there.

Additionally, women cannot “hug or kiss, and their clothes cannot have obscene or drug-related images or messages.”

So T.A.T.U. might want to rethink their upcoming 37-city Malaysian tour.

The vice president of The National Union of Malaysian Muslim Students, the group who led the pre-Gwen protest, stated that the concert should be stopped outright as he deemed Stefani’s performance and attire to promote “a certain degree of obscenity and will encourage youth to emulate the western lifestyle.”

At least that make more sense than banning certain attire and acts on-stage. If you honestly believe this concert will corrupt your nation’s youth then wanting it stopped does not seem totally irrational. It would make a lot more sense to allow the concert and the skimpy clothes, the jiggling breasts (well, not a Gwen show), and all the general debauchery that can be purchased for the cost of admission. This way the people can decide for themselves. The forty percent of Malaysia’s population who is not Muslim and who might enjoy that type of show can have a blast and the sixty percent Muslim majority can stay home and ignore the sinners rocking-out to “Hollaback Girl.”

Come on, Malaysia… can’t we all just get along?