Category Archives: Law

Pork Chop Gets the Axe

On recent trip to Allentown, PA to visit my grand-parents I learned that, beginning this season, the city would become home to a minor league baseball franchise. The Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs (formerly the Lynx of Ottawa) would represent the Philadelphia Phillies as their local affiliate at the Triple-A level. However, the arrival of the new team to the area has been marred by accusations of racism by local Hispanics regarding the name of their mascot.

Based on over 7,000 fan submissions of potential names, the cartoony, metallic pig had originally been given the title of ‘Pork Chop.’ The team quickly conceded to the complaints of “several Hispanics” that the name was offensive and dumped the fan-chosen name prior to the start of the season. My first thought was, “What is offensive to Hispanics (or anyone else) about naming a cartoon pig ‘Pork Chop’?”

Apparently the pig’s chosen moniker has been used by some people as a derogatory term for Puerto Ricans. Aside from the fact that this seems like a stupid racial slur (not stupid in the sense that it demeans a group of people based on race but rather because it is, in reality, a type of food and therefore should offend the group at which it is directed no more than someone calling me a ‘Cracker’ would offend me) but it is a term of which I doubt most people have any awareness.

Guillermo Lopez, vice president of the Latino Leadership Alliance and one of the prime complainants about the name, hammered this very point home with his own statements when he noted, “If my parents were alive, they’d be having fits. It meant much more to them than it does to Puerto Ricans now in the Lehigh Valley.”

Exactly! This may have been an offensive to term to a select group of people over 20 years ago but that is clearly not the case anymore. Moreover, this name was being given to a pig! The pig is the mascot and therefore the physical representation of the team’s spirit and camaraderie. The name was being used in the most positive of connotations (unless you are an actual pig) and this moron has not only stripped the public of their chosen name but also breathed life back into what was a dead racial slur so that an entire new generation of bigots can use it to belittle his own people.

So congratulations, Mr. Lopez, to you and all your fellow ‘minority’ groups out there who continue to fan the flames of prejudice by constantly reminding the public at large of not only the myriad of differences between our races, religions, and genders but also of all the ways with which they can offend you.

Oddly enough, nobody was offended by Pork Chop’s replacement, ‘Wetback the Dolphin’

The most ignorant statement from the whole story did not come from those who were offended, however, but from the man who conceded to them. General Manager Kurt Landes said of his decision to change the mascot’s name, “We were really unaware of any negative connotations with the word ‘pork chop.’ If it offended a few, it’s a few too many.”

No, it isn’t! The things we say and do can always be found to be offensive to a few people on some level, but that is no reason to alter our behavior. There will always be those like Lopez and his ilk who have nothing better to do than complain about things which could be offensive to some tiny sub-group of people (even if those people are from a past generation, as in this case) and if everyone continues to concede on the most innocent of or alleged faux pas then we, as a majority of the people, place ourselves ever more at the mercy of the few yahoos pathetic enough to spend their days searching out new ways to be offended.

If anyone involved in this entire situation is guilty of racism it is Mr. Lopez and his Latino Leadership Alliance of Lehigh Valley who, according to their own mission statement, claim the the LLA “seeks to improve the quality of life for the Latino community and the entire Lehigh Valley.” I would be interested, however, to know what specifically this organization does to help anyone in Lehigh Valley who is not Latino.

According to their president, the LLA “promotes education by providing ‘Si Se Puede’ workshops” in local schools. Sounds to me like these workshops are geared specifically to Hispanics (or at least only to those who speak Spanish.) I don’t speak Spanish and I find it offensive that they would discriminate against me simply based on my ethnicity or the educational opportunities I have had.

The group also gives out dozens of scholarships annually, but they are only open to Latino students. That is the very definition of racial discrimination and, once again, flies in the face of their claims of improving the quality of life for everyone in Lehigh. It makes me sick that groups like the LLA are able to promote the advancement of only those individuals who have the same color skin and speak the same language as they do. This organization and all those who support their bigoted, racist agenda should be ashamed of themselves.

I have gone on for long enough though. It is nearly dinner time and I am getting hungry. I think I will go get a pork chop so I can eat… that Puerto Rican chef sure knows how to cook. (Thanks for teaching me a new word, Guillermo!)


Dog Bites Vick

Well things continue to look worse and worse for dear old Michael Vick. The remaining two of Vick’s three co-defendants yet to cop a plea bargain did just that last week and have now admitted their guilt in the dog-fighting ring. Vick now stands as the sole hold-out in the court and, with his buddies now building the state’s case against him, the former NFL star looks to stand even less chance of beating this rap than his Atlanta Falcon’s do at making this year’s NFL playoffs lead by Joey Harrington.All this, of course, comes just a week after Nike and Reebok yanked all of their Vick-related shoes and jerseys from store shelves and effectively ended any future compensation from their respective contracts with the star. Michael Vick’s collectibles will also be absent from at least two of the major trading-card companies’ future offerings (we are told that the stick of gum in each pack, however, will still be present– hard and unpalatable as always.)

Never fear, those of you who still need to see Vick’s grinning mug on some mundane object in your everyday lives, because there is still one piece of Vickvickschewtoy2.jpg merchandise available on the open market. In spite of, or rather in response to, Vick’s fall from grace we are lucky enough to bear witness to the launch of a new era in commercialized crap– the Michael Vick doggy chew-toy.

Now your very own dog can do the job that Michael Vicks’ parents clearly never did and beat some sense into this moron. For just $10.99 (plus S&H) you too can watch as your Shih-Tzu exacts its toothy Cujo-esque revenge (once the several weeks of back-orders are processed anyway.)

So while you may no longer find Vick jerseys and t-shirts lining the shelves of your local store, the American quest for the almighty dollar continues. One man has lost his fortune and fame; Nike, Reebok, and their ilk are out millions of dollars on merchandise which will never sell; and the city of Atlanta is without its star quarterback. Yet the money is still flowing somewhere and, as is so often the case in America, it is the enterprising, inventive individuals who reap the benefits.

Terrorists Elect Not to Sue- Sort Of

What a gregarious move by the legal team of the six men who are suing for discrimination after their suspicious actions on an airplane caused them to be pulled off. Apparently, they have decided to no longer pursue legal action against the passengers who mentioned their actions to authorities so that they can focus on their civil case against the airline and police.

Let me set the scene for you:

  • Six Muslim men (imams as it turned out) purchase tickets on a U.S Airways flight; half of them are one-way tickets.

Nothing overly suspicious so far.

  • Several of them are perform what are described as “loud” Muslim prayers in the terminal before their flight.

Okay, it is part of their religion and should not overly alarm most air-travelers.

  • Most of the imams request ‘seat-belt extenders,’ typically used to accommodate the obese, in spite of having no need for them.


  • The six position themselves evenly spread throughout the plane; two near the front, two in the middle, two near the rear.

Come to think of it, that does sound familiar.

  • Although none were apparently seated directly adjacent to one another, one Arabic-speaking passenger reported hearing the group mention Saddam Hussein and criticize the U.S. involvement in Iraq while they spoke loudly in Arabic.

Excuse me, stewardess! Is my ticket refundable?

Okay, so these guys were not terrorists; but every passenger who reported them, along with the flight crew and police they alerted should all be commended, not prosecuted, for their actions that day.

These six imams stepped into the public eye and did everything they could to set off every red-flag in order to get themselves ‘racially profiled.’ These men are not stupid; they knew that a case like this will set legal precedent in the new amalgam of Homeland Security and the U.S.A. PATRIOT Act; a precedent which may be set in their favor.

If they were to win, it would eliminate the few teeth our nation’s rapidly decaying front-line in air security/defense has in avoiding another 9/11, so-called ‘racial profiling’ and a little vigilance among the citizenry.

He Got What He Deserved

Are there any better arguments against gun control than stories like this one?

This dirtbag breaks into a 93 year-old man’s home to steal his few modest possessions, beats the old guy over fifty times with a soda can… and then the homeowner regains consciousness and blasts the guy in the throat with his .38 special while he is ransacking the house.


Translation: What’s mine is yours.

Score one for gun-toting, self-defense-minded Americans everywhere. It’s just too bad that stories like this one rarely make even the back pages of the main-stream media while we are flooded with an unending torrent of gang-shootings and moronic high-school kids whose parents thought that ‘gun-control’ meant passing laws when it is really teaching your children that shooting up your school-mates is not the proper way to respond when someone gives you a wedgie.

The best part of the whole home-invasion-gone-awry story though… when the cops showed up and found the beaten, bloody old man and his assailant with the fresh tracheotomy, the thug told the cops, “I can’t feel my legs and I got what I deserved.”

You said it, buddy.

Terror Threat Level : Yellow American

Great; this is just great.

First it was the knives and box-cutters they said “No” to on the plane– Fine; it made sense.

Then I was taking my shoes off because some moron who looks like Bullwinkle Moose tried to light his Nike’s on fire–Deal with it; a small price to pay for a beloved cartoon character.

richard_reid_1.jpg Must’ve got the wrong shoes, Rock! bullwinkle.jpg

Then it was the liquids, gels, creams, and pretty much anything else of mine that the TSA guys want and which I cannot scientifically prove to be in either a solid or gaseous state– Whatever; you can have the last two ounces of my root beer and the foot deodorizing cream. The general public has to draw the lines somewhere though and, personally, I draw it at cheese.

Yes indeed, cheese seems to be the latest in the terrorists repertoire of aviation smuggle-ables and, if the past five years have provided us with any indication, will soon be the latest casualty in Al Qaeda’s unending struggle to plague the Western world’s commercial air-travelers with an ever-increasing number of minor inconveniences.


Evidence of Al Qaeda’s new weapons cache- somewhere deep inside in Switzerland.

Since late September 2006, America’s crack-squad of nearly high-school educated TSA security screeners have intercepted passengers carrying: two ice packs filled with a clay and encased in duct-tape; checked baggage with a plastic bag (apparently this would-be terrorist didn’t realize you only need the quart-sized bags for carry-on) which contained 9-volt batteries, wires, and a block of “brown clay-like minerals” and pipes; as well as a several dairy aficionados carrying everything ranging from metal coils to electrical switches to cell phone chargers- all wired or somehow attached to various blocks of cheese.

Apparently those crafty jihadists have figured out that cheese looks similar to certain explosive materials under x-ray scrutiny as well as providing a tasty in-flight snack once you remove the 9-volts and duct-tape.

I do not mean to make light of some of the real American losses from international terrorism. Obviously the knife ban is a result of the tragedy of 9/11 and there are probably very few who who have voiced any opposition to this policy.

The liquid/cream/gel fiasco was all due to an attempt, foiled months before the conspirators were to take action, to sneak gelatinous explosives onto an airliner. Thankfully no one was ever in any real danger but the resulting ban did cause numerous airport businesses, past their respective security check-points, to shut-down permanently. This was a hit to American business and free enterprise, but isn’t there a point where we have to stop the blanket prohibition of everyday items or run the risk of permanently losing our personal rights as Americans?

Wouldn’t it be a more logical approach to play the odds on this one? (Not like Tim Donaghy did.) The handful of idiots (they were conspiring with federal agents) who would have attempted to get a gel explosive past the TSA represent a minuscule fraction of a minority of the people who bring liquids, etc. on U.S. flights each day, month, year, whatever.

Not that one explosive getting through is acceptable, but how about focusing on a much better bet in the terrorist department. Rather than checking everyone with a tube of Colgate, how about focusing on groups of people like Arabs, Muslims, or Arab-Muslims since virtually every terrorist act in the past four decades in America and abroad has been conceived, planned, and carried out by members of one of these groups.

Note that the article listed above makes no mention of the ethnicity, home-nation, or religious fanaticism of choice of those attempting to sneak these ‘fake-bombs’ through security. The writer is, in fact, specifically ambiguous when it comes to addressing whether they were American citizens vs. foreign nationals stating simply that each suspicious package was carried by a ‘couple’ or a ‘U.S. person’ which is quickly defined as “either a citizen or foreigner legally here.”

Perfect! There is another piece of intel for the ‘racial profiling’ notes. The suspected terrorists are, as they were on 9/11 and virtually every subsequent attempt, legally here. So people who are rightfully here are just as likely (or perhaps more-so) to attempt to launch terrorist attacks on our air travel industry. But I’ll bet you Dinars to doughnuts that every one of these geniuses trying to board a flight with a couple 9-volt batteries lashed to a block of Gouda would have been caught in the oppressive net of ‘racial profiling’ long before they ever found the cheese-shop.

Donaghy and Pop – Two Peas In a Dirty Pod

Let me just start by saying this. If anyone reading this has any sort of blueprints or inside knowledge of Tim Donaghy’s house, let me know. If anyone reading this knows how to contact some of the more ‘persuasive’ members of the Gambino family; let me know. I am not saying I want to see the man dead, just that I might like to see these two groups of people get together and have a little talk.



Can anyone honestly believe that the words ‘witness-protection program’ even came up in the same article that opens the world’s eyes to what a scumbag this guy is? He has refereed over 200 games in the past few years (not to mention being plastered all over the television and internet right now) and there are a lot of people out there ready to toss some blame his way of lost dreams of glory and high gambling stakes (he can relate) whether he was even responsible that night or not.

Speaking of those people, and a game where he most certainly was responsible for the outcome, was Game 3 of the 2007 Suns-Spurs play-off series. Try the link, someone has put together a real nice video compilation together. For a Suns fan who watched that game in utter horror, despite having witnessed similar officiating debacles against this very Spurs team several times before, that these calls were being made… and the national broadcast crew was finally calling the refs out on it live… the revelation of Donaghy’s crimes comes with a certain feeling of redemption.

Everyone saw it and even Bill Simmons and ESPN were crying foul when it came to the excessive and seemingly one-sided foul calls. I do not believe that Coach Popovich is blameless in the under-handed play in that series either. In retrospect, the shoulder check that Robert Horry dealt to Steve Nash was almost certainly a Pop call to accomplish exactly what was accomplished. Hit the Suns MVP team-leader into the boards with a shot from a much bigger guy and clear the Suns bench (particularly their big-men) onto the floor where they can be repremanded by the refs and the league. None of Pop’s minions left their bench that time (although they sure did earlier in the game) because they all knew what was going to happen– they all knew the plan.

I am not saying Coach Popovich had inside knowledge into how the calls were going to go or how the league would rule that scenario because of Donaghy or anyone else. I’m not saying that he didn’t either. Regardless, Pop is a dirty coach with a team of floppers and dirty players. I am just waiting for that book that is going to come out somewhere eight to ten years down the line from someone in the Spurs organization (player or otherwise) detailing the brainwashing or whatever it is that Pop must put these guys through to get them play that way. Maybe not… maybe he just hand-picked a team of dirty players.

Michael and Marcus Vick: A Good Case for Dual Fratricide

Well maybe that is coming off a little hard on Marcus. Afterall, the only thing he has ever been guilty of is plying underage girls with alcohol, statutory rape, sexual battery, fraud, numerous counts of driving under the influence of various illicit substances, and pulling a hand-gun on a some teenagers in a McDonald’s parking lot (that last one was within a week of baby Vick’s being dismissed from Virginia Tech after racking up nearly as many police bookings as he did touchdowns during his distinguished career at that institute of higher learning.)

In spite of all that I suppose Marcus can breathe a sigh of relief this week as he apparently no longer holds the “Bad Boy” title in the Vick family. I still doubt it will help his odds in the NFL. Indeed it seems a bevy of DUIs and various other unsavory acts apparently pales in the court of public opinion when juxtaposed with animal abuse.

Personally, I think Michael Vick is a human piece of trash but the whole animal abuse thing seems blown way out of proportion. Why is it that people are so quick to jump on the dog-fighting issue? I agree that it is inhuman; but so are dogs.

I do not support or even condone dog fighting but the majority of society seems to imagine dog fights where their toy poodle is being pitted against the neighbors slobbering idiot Golden Retriever. The truth is that the dogs in these fights are massive, fanged beasts which have been bred to fight and kill. That does not make the situation any better but it does seem that so many of these people who would label dog-fighters as the most vile filth of the earth are the very same people who would not allow you to move into their community with your docile, pet pit-bull no matter how cute, cuddly, and good-with-the-kids as he may be.

Michael Vick is a scumbag partially because he is an animal-abusing low-life but predominantly because he is blind to his own success. This man was born into a dirt-poor family living in a Southern housing project and yet he rose to become one of the highest-paid, most highly-touted talents in the American athletic pantheon. He achieved great things despite his humble beginning yet was unable to maintain the most basic semblance of human decency required to retain this status.

Once you have reached the elite plateau in American society that Michael Vick had, all you really need to do play damage control and maintain what you have. The fans who made him the star he is are fine with a certain degree of debauchery; just don’t be an idiot about it.

Michael Vick is a piece of trash because he has lived and rebuked the American dream and now he expects unmittigated absolution for his misdeeds. The real lesson he will learn here is that, no matter what happens in the legal system, the court of public opinion in America is far harsher in its rulings and a great deal more influential when it comes to one’s ability to earn and retain wealth when you make your living off the sweat of your ego.