Al Qaeda Rolls Out Hot New Look for Summer!

Ladies…just in time for Ramadan (actually several months early,) it’s the Burqini!

That’s right, now even the most extreme zealots can swim in style with the world’s first bikini for Muslim women. Whether it’s a day at the beach or an afternoon relaxing by the pool, now Islamic women can do either and run only a moderate to high risk that they will be stoned to death for being so disrespectful. Not to mention that with those sexy tan-lines you’ll develop around your face, wrists, and ankles you will be the envy of, well… no one because that’s as much skin as you will ever show in Islamic society.

I noticed that the Burqini comes in three different styles- slim-, modest-, and (my personal favorite) active-fit. Just how ‘active’ can a woman consider herself to be when she has to wear something that looks like this even to go for a swim or relax at the beach?

Certainly the ‘active’ aspect of it is not intended to ease a Muslim woman’s transition from poolside relaxation to anything as radical as suffrage or any semblance of equal rights as these are still forbidden under Sha’ria law in many Islamic nations (in spite of their stunning advances in penitent swimwear.) More likely, it is designed for today’s jihadist on-the-go who just cannot find the time to change clothes between the morning swim and the afternoon homicide bombing.

Maybe we could get Victoria’s Secret working on something sexy for these ladies to wear to bed. Full-body multi-layered teddies, bras and panties emblazoned with the crescent moon, the homicide-bomber garter-belt, etc. They could call it ‘Islam-gerie’ and then instantly kill any woman seen purchasing it for her insolence.